To my relatives that voted YES ON PROP 8

Dear family and friends: 

I hope you will read what I've written. It is my somewhat raw reaction to the passing of Proposition 8 in California. It would mean a lot to me if you would. 

This has been a painful time for me, and I wanted to let you know how I felt as a gay Californian to be discriminated against and have my status as a full citizen diminished by the majority. Proposition 8 will rewrite the California constitution to enshrine bigotry against same-sex couples.

For my family and friends who don't live in California, the Wikipedia definition of Prop 8 is:

Proposition 8 is an initiative measure on the 2008 California General Election ballot titled Eliminates Right of Same-Sex Couples to Marry. The proposition "changes the California Constitution to eliminate the right of same-sex couples to marry in ....California...." A new section is being added stating "only marriage between a man and a woman is valid or recognized in California."

Although millions of heterosexual & religious people were thankfully AGAINST this proposition, seeing it as a matter of equal rights (as well as the California Teachers Association, Human Rights Campaign, huge companies such as Google, past/present Mayors & Governors, many other groups and Barack Obama himself) Prop 8 unfortunately still passed on Nov. 4th, 2008 winning 52% to 48% of the votes.

Prop 8 now takes away the rights of same sex couples to marry in California. I find this not only un-American, but disturbing at a very deep level. Prop 8 is bigotry codified in law. Americans should be better than this. We should know that in our country all people are equal under the law and have the same rights under the law.  I haven't even gone into the religious factor in all this yet.

But here's how I felt Nov. 5th: sad and angry. Simple as that, but so deeply felt that it made me numb, so numb that for several hours I barely felt alive. I felt degraded. Less human. Californians had decided that I, as a lesbian, don't deserve to be considered as an equal. They decided that the love I feel is not as significant as the love they feel. 

And the more I thought about the election, the worse I felt. The majority of California's voters had elected an African-American president. The majority passed a proposition for more humane treatment of chickens on California farms! Yet the majority told me that I was not worthy of equality.  I was unable to appreciate the historic election of the nation's first black president. The joy -- or relief -- that you all felt election night and the day after, that maybe you still feel, was lost on me. I felt none of it. I wanted Obama to win. I dared to hope that our country would elect him. But I was robbed of sharing that joy with you by a majority of California voters.

Discrimination against fellow citizens as to whether and/or to whom they shall be allowed to marry has no place in this democratic, freedom-loving republic. Such possible restrictions are being propagated by inane religious fanatics. The same religious fanatics who told us 25 years ago that gays in the military were "evil." The same religious fanatics who told us 50 years ago that interracial marriage was a "sin and against nature." The same religious fanatics who told us 150 years ago that slavery was a part of "God's Laws."  Fanatics who are restricting certain people from the joys of humanity.  

Do you know that people spent more money and time to fight for Prop 8, than to provide law enforcement the resources to stop adults raping kids in America? The Protect Our Children Act barely passed with only $28 million fighting for child safety compared to $60 MILLION (85% of which were from religious groups) donated to support Prop 8 and ban same-sex marriages.  Money that we donated to churches at Sunday collections were being used to fund this. 

It's now day nine since Prop 8 passed. Movement for and against it rages on, and is going beyond California. to across the country. Yet groups like Couples for Christ, and the Church of Latter day Saints are still fighting, preaching discrimination & donating money for this cause.  I wonder, are they tired yet?  With all the anger, judgment, and intolerance fuming on both sides, I am tired. Mormons can have six wives and I can't have ONE?  Do I get to vote on your marriage?  

Divorce rates among conservative Christians were significantly higher than for other faith groups, and much higher than Atheists and Agnostics experience.  The overall divorce rate in America is between 45-50%, the remarriage divorce rate (when at least one partner has been married before) has been reported to be 65% what does the Church say about that?

Prop 8 alone rose up and broke the people of America in half, revealing that despite all our political correctness and "everybody's a winner" mentality, we still hate, discriminate, and we are hypocrites about it And here we thought it was just about gay marriage. It's been about so much more instead.  Suddenly, the same people standing on tolerance are intolerant. They speak in anger and make assumptions. Those who are told by God not to judge are judging. Those affected by discrimination, discriminating.  This, all in a free society and democracy. 

I can only imagine how wrongfully maligned God must feel in all of this. I don't believe He has had any part of it, despite religious groups claiming they're of Him. If so, there's no doubt in my mind that things would be very different.....

I'm a Catholic and I'm very against Prop 8, because I see it as a civil, not religious, issue. Many of my gay friends, including relatives that I love and cherish are smart, sweet, well versed, environmentally aware, caring and good citizens. We deserve the same civil rights that you all have. Most of all, God says to love and not judge and I believe He himself would honor it. Just the same, religious groups are free to install and enforce their own stance in their own courts and systems, and I believe gays and others should (and would) equally respect it. 

No race or non-religious group, gay, straight, or whoever, has the right to take away civil rights, be it a gay, Christian, Muslim, black, Jewish, whatever. No human being should discriminate or judge the other. Religion and God have as much of a place in society as all other groups here. 

If Prop 8 has taught me anything, we're a long way away from this. To me, that's the real issue of the battle we're all in.

The bible says, "Render to Caesar the things that are Caesar's and to God the things that are God's." That seems church and state separated. It is not an excuse for one party or another not to be allowed or exist, but it's a strong case for leaving what's of the law to the law, and of the church to the church in my opinion.

I believe in evolution. I believe in it through scientific fact, even though my mom raised me up in Church. I believe that they have the right to trust in their faith. It's what keeps them going and keeps them hoping. Through them, I have found God. I don't go to church, but I do have faith. God = faith and hope in all things good.

So with Prop 8 passing, it's easy for me to lose faith in God; the same way it's easy for Prop 8 supporters to blame gay people for their kids' future. But I'm not going for the easy way out. I can still believe in God, in faith and in hope because I know there are millions of people out there who have been misinformed or just not educated on this point of view. 

Thanks for taking the time to read this vent...

........Regina........ 

Four Letters

Who here knows from love?
Show of hands?

And I mean really knows from love

Not as in that somethin' that you fall into
some mud puddle muddlement of surface enamourment
where the call of the wild side
infatuation slick sex glide
finds you slippin' and slidin' a skipping stone
on the smooth waters surface
til you find that
when the water's shut off
you've been riding a cheese grater
wrapped in sandpaper
dipped in iodine
all 'cause time was a wastin'
and being back at his/her place
for some anonymous fluid swap game
seemed the same as love in your lonlieness
trust me
I speak from past experience

And not like the diffused abused
everyday wind twisted vocabulary way
we sway from this to that to find the
phattest of the phat next best thing
where the word love is blown and cracked
like wad of hot pink bubble gum
succumbing to the tongue numbing triviality
that is synonymous with 'nice' and 'interesting'
and 'polycotton blend'
all bent outta shape
draped glam glitz garishly
'round cars, CDs, clothes

when the word 'love' is cut in this context
it bleeds some heartless watered down pre-fab plasma

It becomes all asthmatic and gasping for air
beneath layers of hair spray and condiments
and acoutrement and it loses all of its beautiful sting
just look at the slicked back me
coiffed and primped and preened
trying to give meaning to what is lost
amidst my dross of verbiage
via the pop culture triviality that seeps into
this verse you'll see what I mean
when I say this rhyme is the sign of my times
(hope I ain't committing any doggerel crimes)

see

I am where my eyes get diverted downwards
watching my feet walk me through glassware building valleys
not meeting the mountain ranges powerful stare
for fear that the nearer my eye reaches that goal
the clearer the face of god becomes....and when that sunburst sum is totalled....
I fear I will have sold out to the coldness..
I project protecting me from loves powerful purity..feeling that I can't live up to this…..
Who here knows from love?
I'm asking for a sense of grounded reality here
Tell me 'bout your dog, your children your lover
And saccharine it up all syrupy sweet so's I can find solace In your words meeting my ears clearly is it that sentimentality has become underrated
In everyday speech 'cause the words that Once meant something have been leeched dry by communications of the ironic kind?
Y'know, where we think we reach to attain goals of connection by..
Blind siding with irony in order to
Best express distress amidst something so much bigger
Than the best of us
Thereby missing the mark entirely
So, I vow from this day forth to only use the word..LOVE..
When it is in relation to something that is required for my existence
that I may travel a lifetimes distance with and when that sunburst sum is totalled
I fear I will have sold out to the coldness
I project protecting me from loves powerful purity
feeling that I can't live up to this…

Who here knows from love?

Beautiful Disaster

time is of no essence, 

there is always one more tomorrow. 

A collection of people with a misconception, 

her beauty is completely invigorating. 

A blessing and a curse, 

I adore the shape her eyes take when she smiles. 

Thoughtless notions, easily roused in limitless misdirection, 

yet an eternity just never seems quite long enough. 

Manifesting touchtone conversations 

into inexplicable teasing, 

she reminds me constantly...

not to get too wrapped up in her, 

barring some sort of miracle 

that the chaos she's gotten herself into 

can ever atone for such a beautiful disaster.

Unexpected

Unexpected...
You do something to me
I'm not sure what it is
You move something in me
You're beautiful Inside and out
I have more to discover
You're infinite
I want to sink in Like endless luxury
I feel pampered
Spoiled... saturated
I anticipate
The way that you feel
The way you sound
Even before you materialize
This isn't average
YOU'RE not average
I'm undivided
Undiluted Uncensored
When we're close
When we bubble
You do something to me
Not sure what that something is
But still, there it is, calling to me
Late nights
I'm wanting to touch
You've recreated a longing in me
That desires your hands to be forever caressing me
Like your lips should forever be searching me
Daydreams and random thoughts
Got me wondering
If you could be my food for thought
My food for love
My food for soul ...I'm starving

Owed to the Ex's

Some people make better friends than lovers...

Maybe we were at our best with each other only under covers

But jokes aside I know

There was a reason I was with u to begin with

something dope about u

but it had to give

now I live

a much happier life

without the drama and strife

at first I felt like a quitter

now I'm knowin…

the sweet just aint as sweet without the bitter

life is SO sweet

sweeter than the sugar I can't have

I'm glad we turned out so bad

Now I appreciate EVERYTHING that I have

And the love that I receive

Is free

and is as simple as it should be

No competition, no fights, no insecurity

No rescuing or saving

Its just saying "I love you" with complete purity

sincerity
good karma has finally hit me

"The bad about you eclipses the good I wanna miss
And there's no longing in my heart when I reminisce
Damn… I'm finally so over this

You're spilled milk
There was no use crying over you
It's only natural that a girl like you

would do what you do
And besides goodbye there's really nothing left to say
cause if you never spilled then you woulda gone sour anyway

Now ya got some nerve
Askin bout my heart and acting concerned
Forgettin I'm the bridge you burnt down

just as you got across
Guess what …
I'm not even angry anymore
I mopped some bigger messes than you up off of my floor

you're spilled milk

no loss felt"

I owe my happiness to you

because of all the shit you put me through

now I know what to do…

with a mutual appreciation

that I never got with you

no longer guilty by association

I found a love so real without any doubts

the kind that I've always just read about

same level

the bass to my tremble

someone who challenges me

in every way

From the Bay to LA

I appreciate the trials I had to go thru

That got me to this very day

Thank you :)

What poetry is to Mr. Push...

Poetry is prophecy.
Want to know where you were?
where you are?
where you are heading?
Poetry will skim you across timelines
of well placed lines of verses.
You’ll know where you’re heading
when the poetry you read
Makes something inside explode.
I know people who have read a poem
that made their head explode.
They had to stop thinking and
begin to really feel for once.

Which is why poetry is dangerous.
It’ll expose you on a page
Lay you naked leave you raw.
You’ve never been fucked so good until
a poem rapes you up against a wall.
And you’ll keep coming back for more.

Poetry will disguise itself in
flowers of similes
melodies of metaphors
and dreams of rhymes and reason.

Then poetry will drag your ass
kicking and screaming
into a back alley and kill you
make you dead to yourself
then resurrect you in words
that hurt so hard your scars
will become beautiful.

You’re lucky if all you do
is walk away with a tear or a sigh.
Poetry should scare the shit out of you.
It does me.
I’ll die tonight.... when I’m done.
Tomorrow a new muse will resurrect me
hand me a pen and make me keep writing.

Those lil black panties...

Conversation that side-stepped
anything of importance
and yet said so much
never at a loss
for words or actions
for that matter
I rendered you speechless
drowning in such desire
at the tip of my tongue
under the sky
you didn't know what to do with yourself
but me, yeah, I've got plenty of ideas mama
given no time constraints
we could take your pleasure to new heights.
Beyond those boundaries we set for ourselves
stealing kisses, playing with fire
living on borrowed time
and loving every minute of it.
It's hard to deny this when you
wear those little panties that peek out at me in the mornings
and you move on me the way you do
ever so conspicuous
you like to see how far you can push
before the temperature in my room
goes far beyond the boiling point.
In the morning I have no excuse
for the smile on my face
other than the fact
that I have you lying next to me
with nothing on but those little black panties
no questions asked.

For a GOOD LIFE...

A time comes in your life when you finally get it ... when, in the midst of all your fears and insanity, you stop dead in your tracks and somewhere the voice inside your head cries out ENOUGH. Enough fighting and crying or struggling to hold on. And, like a child quieting down after a blind tantrum, your sobs begin to subside, you blink back your tears and begin to look at the world through new eyes. This is your awakening. You realize it's time to stop hoping and waiting for something to change...or for happiness, safety and security to come galloping over the next horizon.

You come to terms with the fact that you are not Cinderella and that in the real world there aren't always fairy tale endings (or beginnings for that matter) and that any guarantee of "happily ever after" must begin with you...and in the process a sense of serenity is born of acceptance. You awaken to the fact that you are not perfect and that not everyone will always love, appreciate or approve of who or what you are...and that's OK. They are entitled to their own views and opinions. And you learn the importance of loving yourself...and in the process a sense of new found confidence is born of self-approval. You stop complaining and blaming other people for the things they did to you (or didn't do for you) and you learn that the only thing you can really count on is the unexpected. You learn that people don't always say what they mean or mean what they say and that not everyone will always be there for you and that it's not always about you.

So, you learn to stand on your own and to take care of yourself...and in the process a sense of safety and security is born of self-reliance. You stop judging and pointing fingers and you begin to accept people as they are and to overlook their shortcomings and human frailties...and in the process a sense of peace and contentment is born of forgiveness. You realize that much of the way you view yourself, and the world around you, is as a result of all the messages and opinions that have been ingrained into your psyche. And you begin to sift through all the junk you've been fed about how you should behave, how you should look, how much you should weigh, what you should wear, what you should do for a living, how much money you should make, what you should drive, how and where you should live, who you should marry, the importance of having and raising children, and what you owe your parents, family, and friends. You learn to open up to new worlds and different points of view. And you begin reassessing and redefining who you are and what you really stand for.

You learn the difference between wanting and needing and you begin to discard the rules and values you've outgrown, or should never have bought into to begin with...and in the process you learn to go with your instincts. You learn that it is truly in giving that we receive. And that there is power and glory in creating and contributing and you stop maneuvering through life merely as a "consumer" looking for your next fix. You learn that principles such as honesty and integrity are not the outdated ideals of a bygone era but the mortar that holds together the foundation upon which you must build a life. You learn that you don't know everything, it's not your job to save the world and that you can't teach a pig to sing. You learn to distinguish between guilt and responsibility and the importance of setting boundaries and learning to say NO. You learn that the only cross to bear is the one you choose to carry and that martyrs get burned at the stake.

Then you learn about love. How to love, how much to give in love, when to stop giving and when to walk away. You learn to look at relationships as they really are and not as you would have them be. You stop trying to control people, situations and outcomes. And you learn that alone does not mean lonely. You also stop working so hard at putting your feelings aside, smoothing things over and ignoring your needs. You learn that feelings of entitlement are perfectly OK...and that it is your right to want things and to ask for the things you want...and that sometimes it is necessary to make demands. You come to the realization that you deserve to be treated with love, kindness, sensitivity and respect and you won't settle for less. And you learn that your body really is your temple. And you begin to care for it and treat it with respect. You begin to eat a balanced diet, drink more water, and take more time to exercise. You learn that being tired fuels doubt, fear, and uncertainty and so you take more time to rest. And, just as food fuels the body, laughter fuels our soul. So you take more time to laugh and to play. You learn that, for the most part, you get in life what you believe you deserve...and that much of life truly is a self-fulfilling prophecy. You learn that anything worth achieving is worth working for and that wishing for something to happen is different from working toward making it happen.

More importantly, you learn that in order to achieve success you need direction, discipline and perseverance. You also learn that no one can do it all alone...and that it's OK to risk asking for help. You learn the only thing you must truly fear is the greatest robber baron of all: FEAR itself. You learn to step right into and through your fears because you know that whatever happens you can handle it and to give in to fear is to give away the right to live life on your own terms. And you learn to fight for your life and not to squander it living under a cloud of impending doom. You learn that life isn't always fair, you don't always get what you think you deserve and that sometimes bad things happen to unsuspecting, good people. On these occasions you learn not to personalize things.

You learn that God isn't punishing you or failing to answer your prayers. It's just life happening. And you learn to deal with evil in its most primal state - the ego. You learn that negative feelings such as anger, envy and resentment must be understood and redirected or they will suffocate the life out of you and poison the universe that surrounds you. You learn to admit when you are wrong and to build bridges instead of walls. You learn to be thankful and to take comfort in many of the simple things we take for granted, things that millions of people upon the earth can only dream about: a full refrigerator, clean running water, a soft warm bed, a long hot shower.

Slowly, you begin to take responsibility for yourself by yourself and you make yourself a promise to never betray yourself and to never, ever settle for less than your heart's desire. And you hang a wind chime outside your window so you can listen to the wind. And you make it a point to keep smiling, to keep trusting, and to stay open to every wonderful possibility. Finally, with courage in your heart and God by your side you take a stand, you take a deep breath, and you begin to design the life you want to live as best you can.


-The Awakening

Intellectual Intercourse...

So years ago Shana wrote this blog on her myspace page... I haven't been on myspace in forever & just stumbled across it... and my response. I am going to love this girl FOREVER lol.

MIND SEX  (by Shana)

i find myself craving 

that which you pen

your brain

your blogs

your words

they dance around my body

traveling

all my erogenous zones

between my legs

as if they were your hands

your breath

your mouth

stimulating those places

most times left untouched

by the physical hand

i find myself

wanting to divulge

those sentiments

that whisper

at me within

those things i hold back

that cavern

your excavating daily

i like it

but i fight it

as i surf along

wondering how

it began

that my friend

can make love intermittently

to me

without the use of her touch

carefully even now i write

proofing

deleting

censoring

my word choices

usage

the adjectives i throw in

do i dare?

the story of a"mind fuck" begins...

A blunt and 20mins later I responded with this....






INTELLECTUAL INTERCOURSE  (by Push)

"...divulge those sentiments..."

i possess stamina

to keep excavating

insatiably

the butterflies wont stop

flying in me

everyday has BEEN a holiday

so suddenly

i find myself sprinting your way

tomorrow begins a new page

Chapter 30

in L.A.

come what may

but you're right

you and i have no say.

the crevices

of the dark

where only the soul

can survive the depths

of exquisite ecstasy

found between you and me

a dream so surreal

yet so very profoundly real

an imagination

of great expectations

a scream emits

from the pleasures

of pain that sustain

the moments of shame

for such devious delights

i like our passion

a power we create

feels like life's resurrection

coveted by fascination

a fever leaving us

 ravenous for each other

I dream of our mind sex

sex with you

in the light of day

when everyone can see

the sinful pleasures

that my mind delights in...

lay with me

and let your mind mingle

like vines

through my iron gate.

daily... hourly...

with no remorse

it's intellectual intercourse.